ALIEN TECH LEASING • EARTH INVENTIONS • ZERO HUMAN CREATIVITY REQUIRED
Why hire expensive nerds when you can rent reverse-engineered spaceling tech?
Flying cars? Thought control? Infinite pizza? We've got the patents (sort of).
Never spill again. Floats to your mouth when you think "caffeine". Perfect for Zoom calls with your lizard boss.
$49,999/month • Royalty: 3% of your soulReads your customers' minds before they do. Sells them things they didn't know they wanted. (Works on Congress too.)
$299k/month • Side effect: Occasional probingPowered by captured dark matter and intern tears. Your EV now runs forever. Oil companies hate it.
$1.2M one-time • Warranty void if you tell the governmentDownload skills instantly. Become an expert in quantum finance, guitar, and salsa dancing in one afternoon.
$89k • Risk of sudden French accent"We licensed the mood-altering lightbulbs. Productivity up 400%. HR complaints down 100%. Our CEO now glows in the dark!" — Elon... wait, no... some other guy
"The self-replicating 3D printer changed everything. We printed a new factory... inside the old one. Stock went to the moon. Literally." — Anonymous Startup Bro
"Anti-gravity sneakers. Sold out in 11 minutes. Athletes are floating. Nike is suing the universe." — Sneaker Company That Totally Exists
Stop wasting time on boring human R&D.
Our spaceling partners are standing by (in your walls).
NDAs signed in blood. Contracts enforced by tractor beam.